@DadBeard: If pizza places cold called people's homes and asked if they wanted to order a pizza, I guarantee you their business would triple.
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@sportswithjohn: Commentator just said that the rain "may just be the tears of a heartbroken nation," which shows a fundamental misunderstanding of rain.
@zacharyflynn: If a mouse family ever stole my iPhone and used it as a flat screen TV then I'm okay with it as long as they're happy.
@LOUD_Thoughts_: People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
@Darlainky: The inventor of the elevator should be credited for the birth of awkward silence as well.