@TheMichaelRock: If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn't 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
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@LaziestCanine: [on intercom] Pilot: does anyone know how to land an airplane? asking for a friend, i swear
@jimmytorosian: Little Drummer Boy: I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum. Mary: What about that rad drum? Little Drummer Boy: No Mary: Get out
@Schindizzle: My prompt email replies are 10% due to me being a diligent employee, and 90% due to the crippling OCD that compels me to clear my inbox.