@OhNoSheTwitnt: If Pokémon has taught me anything it's that if I see a cute animal I should force my cat to fight it until it's weak enough to enslave.
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@pinupteacher: Two people have knocked on my door this morning so I did what any grown adult would do and hid.
@Brampersandon_: ME: *does entire national anthem with armpit farts* WIFE: see what I mean? THERAPIST: Mmmhmm *writes in notes: "she's nuts. This guy rules*
@TopherKearby: Want to know what it's like to have kids? 1. Gather everything you own. 2. Throw it all on the floor. 3. Pick it up. 4. Repeat for infinity.
@ManicMinxy: Having your 7 year old son clean the toilet is pretty entertaining. He used Pledge. In other news I just slid off the toilet, into the tub.