@OhNoSheTwitnt: If Pokémon has taught me anything it's that if I see a cute animal I should force my cat to fight it until it's weak enough to enslave.
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@wolfpupy: no matter what the government says no one can stop you from eating the bugs you find in your garden
@dreadnaught69: People who incessantly go on and on about replacing things that taste good with quinoa, please stop
@david8hughes: Me: theres a man outside fighting with water Wife: the neighbour? Me: yes Wife: is he in the pool? Me: yes Wife: again, its called swimming
@: [first date with woman who has a kid] HER: i'm a single mom ME: yeah no shit, how many moms did you think i thought you were