@JoshMarino420: if potheads are lazy then why did I just go to my car to get a lighter?
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@brennadine: [Dog asleep on rug] I once killed a bear with my own two paws [Legs move wildly] THAT'S IT I'M WAKING HIM "No Henry. Let sleeping dogs lie."
@PoliUncorrect: * Pogoing Outside Your Window ~ Are... You... Sure... You... Don't... Want.... A... Second... Date?
@WilliamAder: I wonder about the people who unfollow after one day. What were they expecting, Louis C.K.?
@McGrumpenstein: I've named my cat "Before" & my chihuahua "After." It works better if I introduce them wearing a lab coat and clipboard, giggling.