@Livsey1: If Private Ryan was Black...it would be called.."Sorry for your loss Mrs.Ryan."
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@andylevy: twitter getting rid of the 140-character limit is a bad idea. the ability to say what you need to say in as few words as possible is (1/533)
@BackrowSeats: The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
@WVUPRT: Girl at engineering school: I'm like the single-most clumsy person [5 male engineering students emerge from bushes] "Did you say single?"
@sirchutney: Who just rang my doorbell? Its either: 1. A murderer 2. The police 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking