@Livsey1: If Private Ryan was Black...it would be called.."Sorry for your loss Mrs.Ryan."
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@hipchkk: Packing my daughter's prom kit...lip gloss, stun gun, pepper spray, switchblade, and I've uploaded all 5 seasons of Teen Mom to her iPhone.
@truegritrumble: Apparently, I have to go to the pet store because my wife is angry that I put the wrong gold fish in my kid's packed lunch.
@SortaBad: If I lost a leg in an accident the worst part would be never being able to flush a public toilet again
@K_blue: Playing hide and seek in my office building because they can't fire you if they can't find you.