@ItsAndyRyan: If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian, then soviet.
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@Marcmywords2: Mom She gave me life She gave me love She gave me sarcasm She gave me the ability to cut brake lines so that it looks like an accident.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Where were you supposed to poop? 2-year-old: The potty. Me: So why didn’t you? 2: I’m too busy.
@jctwritesstuff: *hears Siren's song* *eyes glaze* *walks in a trance ten miles* *breaks window to donut shop* I'm here, Mistress. *eats everything* *dies*
@ddsmidt: Tried to pull up my sleeve and accidentally punched myself. It's okay, I've had it coming for some time now.