@ItsAndyRyan: If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian, then soviet.
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@karanbirtinna: (Hot girl walks in) Brain: Alright don’t panic. Tell her she has beautiful hair. No wait tell her she has beautiful legs! Me: Hi you have beautiful hairy legs. Brain: My bad.
@NikiWithIssues: There's a butterfly in my office and a nerf gun in my purse. Susan, clear my schedule.