@hamspamtymaam: If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they've been drinking in order to establish dominance.
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@TheToddWilliams: [desert island diary - day 1] 4:15 pm: Got one call out of my cell phone before it died. Now I wait. 5:25 pm: That pizza is definitely free
@weinerdog4life: Did you know you can just buy live lobsters? Anyway can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters
@Maxine12333: You know you're getting old when the kids start referring to your savings as their inheritance.