@hamspamtymaam: If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they've been drinking in order to establish dominance.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: *glares at me* My shoe doesn’t fit. Me: You grew. How is that my fault? 5: You fed me.
@cool_as_heck: Boy: I wish more girls liked farming Girl: I like farming Boy: Lol oh yeah? Name the 5 most water-efficient irrigation systems of the 1980s
@MannyDiesel: Will smith literally runs in every movie. Name one movie he didn't run in. I'll wait