@SodomyClown: If Romney wins I will punch a basket of newborn kittens one by one. Do you want that, America? Do you want kittens to get punched?
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@Mike_Bianchi: Tired of being single? Just lower your standards a bit. My new girlfriend is a coconut taped to a mop.
@dyldonot: [first date] me: don't let her know you vocalise everything you think her: what? me: shit she knows
@DallyDoll: My microwave beeps if I don't open the door within 30 seconds of it stopping. I'm fat, microwave. I won't forget there's food in there.
@druuuck: NASA : we were wrong , there ARE 9 planets in the Solar System PLUTO: I'm back, baby! NASA: because we found a new one! PLUTO: SON OF A