@IamEveryDayPpl: If salons offered free wine with a wax, Twitter moms wouldn’t have any hair at all.
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@omerwahaj: I remember the exact moment growing up when I came to know that a babysitter was not someone who sat on babies.
@LionJenkins: Rolls down car window. Throws caution to the wind. Spends an hour cleaning caution off the side of the car.
@TheHyyyype: ME: is there a doctor on this flight?? GUY: i'm a doctor ME: thank god! can you talk to my son? he wants to study philosophy