@dril: IF SATAN IS READING THIS PLEASE MAKE THE FINGERBOARD ON MY DESK DO 1 FLIP
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@GensPlace: Took nephew out for lunch. The waitress asked what he'd like. After a stunned silence, I explained 'quiche' was not pronounced 'quickie'.
@Vodkantots: If your boyfriend doesn't buy you chocolates today, it's probably because he thinks you're fat.
@shariv67: Got so wasted last night, had to take a train home. And now I can't figure out how to return it.
@Jamie1947: Kanye on the beach, by the water, holding two large conch shells up to either ear. "That's incredible", he says "When did I record this?"