@gregerskine: IF SEAL IS BROKEN, PLEASE NOTIFY ZOOKEEPER IMMEDIATELY
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@SondraDeeMe: ME: I started being confused in school. THERAPIST: Sexual confusion is norm- ME: If America is the best country why do we use #2 pencils?
@LindseyEllison2: If you want to look mysterious I would suggest painting your cornea with a sharpie. Always works for me.
@dshack8: At this point in my life if I drop something and can't pick it up with my foot or via one of my kids, it's staying on the floor.
@therealeatwood: [Self-Checkout] ME: also I ate a donut in the store MACHINE: Place the item on the belt ME: I can’t because I ate it MACHINE: Place the