@Matt_the_1st: If Seal was my friend, I would never miss an opportunity to ask him, "Wanna go clubbing?"
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@usermcuserface: I don't think I'd be as calm as Billy Joel was in that song if an old man was sitting next to me making love to his tonic and gin.
@ch000ch: JUDGE: i sentence you to life in prison MY LAWYER WHO IS A HOUSE FLY: nice that's only like 11 days
@bridger_w: When someone has a baby, I'm just like, OK, clearly you were desperate to have someone to hang out with
@Overdue_Bills: Whenever my car won't start I open the hood so I can have a good look at all the things I don't understand.