@crunchenhancer: If sex was my religion, I'd be an athiest.
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@michaelianblack: I always rode clean. Always. Never won any bike races. Never competed. Don't even really know how to ride a bike. #vindicated
@XplodingUnicorn: Jesus: Go forth. You are now fishers of men. Peter: *harpoons a guy* Jesus: Too literal, bro.
@PaperWash: [Signing waiver for the show Cops] No no, you don't have to blur my face but how about a sweet mustache?