@crunchenhancer: If sex was my religion, I'd be an athiest.
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@SteveKoehler22: A video of a seal jumping in a boat to escape killer whales went viral. They were trying to orca-strate a meal, but didn't seal the deal.
@msdanifernandez: [dean tries handing me a diploma as I walk across the stage] I have a boyfriend
@SatansTongue: *Ohio State coach* Boys, I know how we're gonna beat the Oregon Ducks "How coach" With our secret weapon *pulls out a loaf of bread*