@crunchenhancer: If sex was my religion, I'd be an athiest.
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@ddsmidt: If someone shows up at my house unannounced, I won't open the door. I just stand on the other side of the glass shaking my head no.
@putyoursisterd1: Before we get too excited about rising follower counts, it's good to remember that people also stop to look at accidents.
@kellyoxford: 7yr old "Do women get their periods on weekends too?" Me "Yes" 7yr old mutters to herself "Jesus Christ"
@causticbob: I got kicked out of the casino in Las Vegas. I didn't cheat. I just misunderstood what the craps table was for.