@SaraThomas84: If shame burned calories, I'd be back to my birth weight by now
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@mattsurely: "I got you this for Valentine's Day." [she opens the box and reveals several People magazines inside] "I think we should see other people."
@bingowings14: I spilt glue on my autobiography & then accidentally sat on it. Anyway, that's my story & I'm sticking to it.
@primawesome: My uncle used to ruin every Thanksgiving with his drinking problem, but now he found Jesus and ruins it with that.
@JONOCOYOTE: •a lion stalks a fawn• •a man steps out from behind tree• I'm Chris Hansen from NBCs to catch a predator, do u know how old that deer is?