@ericsshadow: If she calls me cheap one more time I'm gonna return her anniversary gift to 7/11.
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@UnicornSyrup: Anyone who says their wedding day was the best day of their life, has never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.
@squirrel74wkgn: *spraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays Axe body spray* ~ guys with ponytails
@girl_a_whirl: [Paul Revere's Midnight Ride on a pogo stick] "The" *bounce* "British" *bounce* "are" *bounce* "coming!!" *bounce* *bounce*
@knot_eye: Upon graduation from the University of Phoenix, do they just send you a screencap of your degree?