@ericsshadow: If she calls me lazy again, I swear I'll get off this couch and go take a nap in bed.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@QwertyJones3: Wife: He's your son! Me: So you say! But I don't... *Kid dances across the room to the Benny Hill theme song* Me: ...ok fine he's my son.
@TomItUp: "You're the Garbage Man, eh? What's your super power?" "I'm just here to take out the trash." "Whoa, we'll get to your catch phrase later."
@TheTweetOfGod: Ancient cryptic thrice-translated self-contradictory texts are the best way to convey moral precepts.
@brennadine: Hang on guys. My boyfriend told me not to be anxious, so I expect to feel better any moment.