@ericsshadow: If she calls me lazy again, I swear I'll get off this couch and go take a nap in bed.
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@robdelaney: As of last night my mom has more Aerosmith tattoos than my sister again. For now anyway.
@SteveSuckington: If you tell me I can only have sex with your sister over your dead body, your funeral is going to be awkward for some of your family.
@Brampersandon_: [Americas Got Talent] ME: *reads an opinion different than mine online without getting offended* JUDGE (under his breath): how'd he do that