@J0hnnyBlaze: If she didn't reply to any of your 20 texts, she probably doesn't have good cell service. Definitely don't stop texting her
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@ComedicBust: [role playing in bed as pirates] Me: Arggh, I want that booty. Her: *giggling* Mmmk Me: [takes out a map] Now if we cross the Atlantic...
@ArfMeasures: BOSS: What's going on here? ME: Dave's mad because he specifically labelled his sandwich in the fridge and I accidentally- DAVE: Not accidentally, on purpose!! ME: ugh ok FINE. And I, "on purpose", slept with his wife
@i_zzzzzz: GIRL: There are these two black holes that collided & released more energy than a trillion stars ME: Damn that sucks. I would never do that
@angeliav68: The guy next door just put up his Christmas lights... I bet he's pissed because I beat him, I put mine up 5 years ago..