@ch000ch: if she doesn't reciprocate ur first "i love u", press ur finger to ur strategically placed bluetooth & say "oh cool u love me too? nice"
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@GrantTanaka: I just found out that his full name is actually Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
@peetiesays: Diamond engagement rings are so last year. Ask for her hand in marriage by presenting her with a full tank of gas.
@dorsalstream: ME: My new contacts are here! WIFE: Don't put them all on at once like you did last— ME: [eyes wide] I CAN SEE YOUR BONES