@Works4Shots: How to get mustard out of your white shirt.. 1) go to a store 2) buy a new shirt

@Phook75: Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at

@ch000ch: a fun game to play at the zoo is to walk hurriedly past a person and say "they've escaped. don't run. just walk very fast."

@OBiiieeee: *i finally get a girl over* *dad rolls out from under my bed* YO SON WHATA YA CALL A PIG WHO DOES KARATE? "dad no" A PORK CHOP

@craiguito: RIP the dinosaurs. Can't believe it's 65 million years already. Always in my thoughts