@mimicz: Boy are people gonna be upset when they find out the God Particle is black...

@ShittyComedian: When a black guy pulls a knife on me on the subway I remind him he doesn't have to feed into racial stereotypes. Then I usually get stabbed.

@ipalatsky: Treat your guests like family, so they don't stay too long.

@Bob_Heller: I know it's fiction but the logic in The Walking Dead is so skewed it is impossible to suspend disbelief. An Asian guy named Glenn? Please

@DirtMcTurd: A man started choking in the line at Wendys today. Luckily the manager jumped into action... And opened another register