@thatUPSdude: Cop; Know why I pulled you over? Me; Because you got beat up in high school Cop;....... Me; Because you got beat up in high school, Sir?

@MavenofHonor: On some level I've always known that caterpillars drink dewdrops. But I never sat down to think about it while crossing the street before.

@BadCoq: Do you think it's possible to train a hedgehog to walk up an down the table with cubes of cheese on it's spikes? I'm giving a dinner party.

@roxaroodw: He told me he was uncomfortable dating someone with so much inflatable furniture.

@ArfMeasures: DATE [annoyed] in your profile, it said u had amazing abs ME [slams car to a stop] Amy it's the best anti-lock braking system I've ever had