@SteveDutzy: If she shovels shit at the local zoo, then she's a keeper
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@dave_cactus: [Grade 6] TEACHER: You can't end a sentence with a preposition. ME: You just did. TEACHER: What? ME: Ended a sentence with "a preposition."
@KeetPotato: wife: "what on earth are you doing?" me: "making a penguin" wife: "that's a pigeon" me: [opening freezer door] "not for long"
@RoosterMustache: "Where'd my boomerang go?" Under there "Under where?" Hahaha I just made you say "underwear" *boomerang hits me in the back of the head*
@bobvulfov: *couple's marriage begins to fall apart* *marriage counselor blows on them like an N64 cartridge* Okay how about now