@SteveDutzy: If she shovels shit at the local zoo, then she's a keeper
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@TheToddWilliams: [Japan] HEAD SCIENTIST: Hey, what did you guys do with all the nuclear waste? *distant Godzilla noises*
@LinajkReturns: Don't you hate it when you put a freshly baked pie on the windowsill to cool and a cartoon character steals it?
@laurajennyjo: I'm gonna start following my cat to the litter box and sit in her lap while she takes a shit
@NurseMurderer: This earthquake was the first time that I've ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."