@Albert30960851: If she wants to be chased, she better steal my pizza or something
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@mynameisntdave: People who carry their dogs around, You know they can walk, right? Theyre real good at it. It's like one of the top known things about dogs
@MartaEffing: When my date told me he was a 'culinary genius', I replied, 'Then this Brazilian won't go to waste!', and winked. Now we wait.
@wchoughton: Just overheard the phrase, "pregnant with a baby," and secretly wondered what the other options were.
@: The doctor says I'm depressed because I don't have enough iron in my diet so I've started nibbling on the gun in my mouth.