@Albert30960851: If she wants to be chased, she better steal my pizza or something
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@TheCatWhisprer: No amount of college can prepare you for how angry you'll get at the way people park in the real word.
@stoneman67: I don't mind the thought of guardian angels watching over me. I just want them to stop giggling when I shower.
@SaltyCorpse: Do you ever go back and read your old tweets and wonder, "My God... What was I on and do I have any left?"?