If she’s interested in you she will reply
If she isn’t, she won’t
Unless she’s thinking about it then who knows how long it could take
You Might Also Like
You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.
8yo got mad and retaliated by stomping out of the room and turning the light off on me, so I guess that’s one way to get her to turn the light off when she leaves the room.
[First day working in an optometrists]
Me: They’re called reading glasses but they don’t actually read. You still have to do that.
Optometrist: Can I see you in my office?
Me: *nudges customer* I would hope so lol
I could never be in the mafia those guys stay up way to late
[Last supper]
*breaks bread* This is my body
*pours wine* This is my blood
*plays Montell Jordan* THIS IS HOW WE DO IT
*Apostles go nuts*
Why do Nashville’s tourists feel the need to cosplay farmers and cowboys when they visit our city? I don’t dress up like a bagel or the Statue of Liberty when I visit New York City. I just wear my normal clothes.
me: could you put this ring at the bottom of my date’s champagne glass
waiter: [refusing to take the funyun] no
god: you have outlived your purpose
dinosaurs: give us another chance
god: fine
dinosaur chicken nuggets: not like this
When someone at work asks you what you’re doing this weekend, just pull a lettuce leaf out of your pocket and slowly start licking it.
The main reason I’ve never committed armed robbery is directly related to how terrible I look on security footage.
Me: if you’re a cop you have to tell me
Judge: way past that
Friend 1: Can you babysit on sa..
Me: Sorry I’m busyFriend 2: Can you feed my cat while I’m on vac..
*knock knock*
Me: IT’S ME I’M OUTSIDE
From the other room:
DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT MISCOMMUNICATION IS?Me: *nods*
[1st date]
Me: “So, what do you do?”
Her: “I’m a Herpetologist.”
Me: “Great! [pulls pants down] How bad is this?”
ME: I’VE BEEN SHOT
TAYLOR SWIFT: Aw here are some band aids
ME: THOSE DON’T FIX BULLETHOLES
TS: *picks up guitar* …brb
ME: I’M STILL DYING
A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.
I’ve diversified my investment portfolio by purchasing multiple properties*
*Barbie Dream House, Peppa Pig House, Gabby’s Dollhouse, Polly Pocket house
Starting tomorrow all opinions of mine directly reflect those of my employers.
“Is it pronounced NEEL-ism or NIAL-ism?”
“It doesn’t matter”“Nothing matters….”
Me in my 20’s: Naive af.
Me in my 40’s: Same af.
BRITISH COMPANY: *gives free estimates*
AMERICAN COMPANY: *gives free estifriends*
I won twenty bucks on a lotto scratcher tonight – do I HAVE to go to work tomorrow?
My first act as governor? Switching the tornado sirens out with C&C Music Factory’s Everybody Dance Now.
People used to have to hunt for food now its like omg two people are in line ahead of me at Starbucks.
BRITISH PERSON: cheerio
AMERICAN: cheerio cream filled deep fried flamin hot donut burger
From the looks of this gas station bathroom, I missed an alien autopsy by 10 minutes.
[being murdered]
me: this is free, right?
🎶Dough; a base, a pizza base
Ray; a pizza deliverer!
Me; a guy, who eats pizza
Far; a bad place 4 my food!“Sir, place ur order or hang up”
All the gas has sold out around here so I’m sending the husband out to buy a couple of horses.
That moment when Exam Invigilator looks at your answer sheet and address whole class
“Students, please make sure that you are reading the questions carefully”