@Parentpains: If six years of marriage has taught me anything its that couches are surprisingly comfortable to sleep on.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jimmy_sharpe: Ever accidentally say 'I love you' to important business customers on the phone? Me too. I MEAN ME NEITHER.
@pixelatedboat: When I die, PLEASE don't bury me in a fancy suit. That happened to a guy I knew and it turned him into a skeleton.
@shkeeber: Me: Objection! The plaintiff is a bologna sandwich! Judge: What? M: I plead insanity. J: You're a juror. Me: Can I go? J: No. M: OBJECTION!
@kibblesmith: But if two men get married, they'll BOTH be stupid in detergent commercials and then no one will buy the correct detergent.