@Laser_Cat: If Skyrim has taught me anything, it's that you should always check people's urns for gold. Don't be afraid. Pull grandma off the mantle.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ThugRaccoons: Me: It makes me so happy that after all of these years I still take your breath away. Wife: Just hand me my inhaler.
@ch000ch: *bursts into English convention* GRAB ALL THE STUFF YOU CAME WITH THE BUILDING'S ON FIRE *crickets* Christ. THE STUFF WITH WHICH YOU CAME
@rockymomax: [ultrasound] DOCTOR: oh my god! HER: what's wrong? DOCTOR: Ok don't panic but it looks as though you swallowed a baby
@JasonLastname: On your first day in prison, walk right up to the nicest guy in there and break his heart.