@samalmightysam: If Socrates had been a woman, he would've said: All I know is that I have all these clothes, but I have nothing to wear.
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@dafloydsta: HER: I'm leaving you ME: But why? HER: There's just no chemistry between us anymore CHEMISTRY: Wow, I'm like right here
@david8hughes: Army guy: sniper in the clock tower, 6 o'clock Me [seeing the time on the clock tower says 5 o'clock]: we'll worry about him in an hour then
@iwearaonesie: *helps wife get toddler in his high chair* wife: That's a new shirt, let's put a bib on you me [wearing a bib] This is ridiculous