@madcaplaughs30: If somebody stops to ask me directions, I give them directions to my house. see you in twenty minutes new best friend.
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@Stellacopter: Imagine falling in love with someone and finding out they raise their hand at the end of a long boring meeting to ask a question.
@AudreyPorne: spin the bottle, except you have to murder the person it lands on her: this is a baby shower
@iwearaonesie: *makes sandwich* *sits down to eat it* *sees dog staring at me* *rips off small piece* *gives her the rest*
@_ElvishPresley_: *tosses incriminating letter into the fireplace* ME: will someone please light a fire in this fireplace