@noog: If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that shit means but at least they're not talking to you anymore
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@HrBry: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching my license plate before I ran down all the people I hate
@meladoodle: The new options on Facebook look like the life cycle of every relationship I've ever had
@markhoppus: Gonna replace my friends' hand sanitizer with lube and watch them rub their hands together for an hour while it doesn't evaporate.
@RorynotRoy: The girl that just walked by gave my dog a double take like she thought she might've gone to high school with him.