@TragicAllyHere: If someone asks if you've been crying just say, "why... do you want to watch?" and it will weird them out enough to leave you alone
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@truegritrumble: MURDERER: *while murdering me* I feel like you're not taking this seriously. ME: *eating a Belgian waffle* Wut?
@RexHuppke: God, grant me the serenity to yell at immigrant children, the courage to still say I'm a Christian, and the ignorance to not get the irony.
@withanewname: "Yes mam that'll be $1200" "Just to remove a cassette tape that's stuck?" "Ma'm, it's in your CD player"
@yoyoha: I just saw a commercial that invited me to watch more of it on the internet! Bc That's the problem w/commercials! They're not long enough!