@shutupmikeginn: if someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
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@KalvinMacleod: My wife made me pack my own bag for vacation and now I have to figure out how to wear potato chips.
@brycoo: [HR office] Do you know why we called you in today? To give me a pay rise? No. Because I googled 'How to burn down office' 600 times? Yes.
@Just_Lee_: It took 11 years but hubby can finally read me like a book. A Greek book. Read upside down wearing a blindfold. It's a vast improvement.