@shutupmikeginn: if someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@hell_homer: This is your brain: [hippo standing in a field] This is your brain on twitter: [100s of people surround the hippo patting it rhythmically]
@randomlawless: I am NOT just 'a piece of meat' you know. I'm a ribeye steak... a bit fatty, but still quite tasty. Ok, I lied. I'm pork butt.
@atanya1111: So Kanye West said he is an intellectual who doesn't read books. Which I get because I am an an athlete that rarely moves.
@iwearaonesie: wife: YOU changed the sheets?! [flashback to me eating nachos in bed after she told me not to and getting cheese everywhere] me: Surprise!