@bourgeoisalien: if someone asks you about yourself say "OK, sit down, this is going to be a really long story" then just wander off
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@KeetPotato: hey look! *picks up a tiny ghost costume off pavement* how cool is thi ew why is it wet? "dude, that's a condom"
@Schmoodles: Sometimes I see a baby and think "Aww, I want one!" Then I find my TV remote in the fridge again and think "Yeah, maybe I'm not ready."
@pharmasean: A song called "Baby It's Not *THAT* Cold Outside" where I'm just trying to get the lady to leave