@bourgeoisalien: if someone asks you about yourself say "OK, sit down, this is going to be a really long story" then just wander off
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@Reverend_Scott: I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it's slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
@JimmerThatisAll: If you're angry at somebody and subtweeting them and it's not me please add "Not you Jim." at the end. Thank you.
@hippieswordfish: *suddenly awakes* honey! i just had a nightmare that i was naked at a job interview, licking BBQ sauce off the guy's face interviewer: ummm