@IbecameMyDad: If someone brought me coffee right now I would follow them around like an imprinted baby bird forever.
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@TheSharona06: For people who say "nothing is impossible", that's crazy. I've been successfully doing nothing for several years now.
@NurseSeymour: Hooking up with your ex is a great way to reassure yourself that dying alone wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.
@noog: Judge: Order in the court [from the back] Me: Can I get a large pepperoni pizza with... [puts hand over speaker and looks around] what?