@IbecameMyDad: If someone brought me coffee right now I would follow them around like an imprinted baby bird forever.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@RobertManchild: My car is 13 years old. I like how the ceiling fabric hangs down and makes it feel like a blanket fort.
@stephenjmolloy: [Trying to impress a girl on a date] Me: "Not to brag but I'm getting Windows 10 for free."
@Social_Mime: Walking my dog we saw a guy in a suit walking his dog and I know my dog is thinking I don't dress nice for him anymore.
@sixfootcandy: Cable Guy: Can I come in your back door? Me: Maybe for free HBO. Cable Guy: Me: I'm kidding...sort of...not really. Cable Guy: