@owlcity: If someone calls me a sir one more time I will literally wear a top hat and a monocle and roll my eyes so hard you will not survive.
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@The_MartiniGirl: I love when people tell me to get my act together and I'm like who the hell is acting geez.
@DrDogMD: PATIENT: I bet medical school was pretty tough DR DOG: yeah I remember one time I did an assignment 4 times bc I ate the first 3 copies lol
@daemonic3: GOOD COP: He won't talk except in sign language BAD COP: I just cut off his left hand BAD PUN COP: He still has the right to remain silent
@TheBoydP: There are two types of people in the world, those who sweat when eating spicy food and those whose nose drips when eating spicy food.