@Amburglar_: If someone came to my door & said "We'll give you a dollar for every plastic bag shoved under your kitchen sink." I'd be living large.
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@weinerdog4life: Serious Question: Can I get a moustache by kissing another guy with a moustache?
@JohnLyonTweets: Not only was my brother not mad when I backed into his Porsche, he even invited me camping and said to bring a shovel. Whew!
@jake_lach: Dog ate raw chicken so I called the vet to see what I could do He asked what I think they eat in the wild. Basically, he called me an idiot