@El_nacho_Nigre: If someone catches you doing something inappropriate don't stop, just do it slowly while keeping eye contact.
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@brendohare: Well I'm not really sure why you put "Baby: Ages 0-6" on your resume, but more importantly, why were you a baby for so long
@JeffSarcastic: *sends epic tweet* [no likes 3 hours later] *waits 2 weeks, sends again* [no likes 1 day later] *starts typing* NSA: dude, let it go
@JohnLyonTweets: Les Miserables was pretty good but I wish I'd had some kind of warning that everyone in it would be so unhappy.
@ilovepie84: Lassie once told me a boy fell down a well, but since no one else can speak dog I ignored it because I was building a furniture fort.