@El_nacho_Nigre: If someone catches you doing something inappropriate don't stop, just do it slowly while keeping eye contact.
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@_eric_alexander: I'm gonna start carrying breath mints around in an engagement ring box just to briefly make women really uncomfortable during conversation.
@mattgallo123: Everyone's like "the things I want for Christmas can't be bought." And I'm like "Legos. I want legos."
@thenatewolf: *holding my crying child* Me: I know, earthquakes are scary. So maybe next time you'll be good and I won't have to make that happen again.