@the_tsai_guy: If someone eggs your house, you can save time cleaning up by just baking your house into a cake.
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@Home_Halfway: Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
@MrMildSauce: Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you've done with the place.
@kellyoxford: Cyclists who don't obey street signs should have to wear their google search history on a t-shirt.