@the_tsai_guy: If someone eggs your house, you can save time cleaning up by just baking your house into a cake.
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@RidiculousSheri: Everyone seems so happy for you until they realize your baby carrier is just filled with mozzarella sticks.
@LackOfShame: The funniest thing about being sober is someday finding out that you were the mayor of Toronto.
@GaryJanetti: A new study shows body-image issues start as young as 3. How awful. That means 2-year-olds with gross bodies think they look okay.
@DannyZuker: Based on their level of excitement, bros in beer commercials seem unaware that you can pretty much buy beer anywhere.