@the_tsai_guy: If someone eggs your house, you can save time cleaning up by just baking your house into a cake.
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@KalvinMacleod: 911 what's the emergency? "How do u unburn pizza?" U burnt a pizza "Yes" I'll send a squad car "Ok will they help?" No ur under arrest
@EJGomez: judas: yo jesus: sup judas [hiding crocs behind back]: would u like if someone bought you crocs jesus: id rather be betrayed lmao judas: wow
@TheGladStork: When rapping in my car, I hold my phone to my ear so passersby think I'm on an intense business call.
@AimeeHelene1: I like to keep a "wet paint" sign on my office door, so that no one wants to touch the door to come in.