@Midgetspar: If someone ever asks you for advice just reply with "Buy a penguin". Imagine a scenario where that isn't awesome.
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@mikefossey: republican: taxes are bad democrat: they're good [i ride by on a skateboard eating go-gurt] its yogurt in a tube, dipshits. ever heard of it
@TheWoodenslurpy: [commercial for gymnastics] Want to delay menarche and stunt your lumbar growth, but also risk getting crotch punched by a four-inch beam?
@kevinrowe1: I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.