@ColoradoUgly: If someone gives you a gift and you didn't get them one, hand it back to them politely and say, "I don't want this shit.".
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@ddsmidt: As I was driving, some stranger yelled "what's your problem lady?" So I was honest, I said I drink too much and I can't stop eating chips.
@MartaEffing: I shouldn't. Ambien: YES. You should. But I'm naked. A: EXACTLY. Ok, fine. *stands up* I HAVE A REASON THESE TWO SHOULD NOT BE WED!
@QwertyJones3: Relationship status: I'm about to go put on my camouflage pants so my family can't find me on the couch.
@CastAwayKristen: Me: Dropped my phone & now screen doesn’t work. Help forum: Should’ve had a better case. Apparently, my mother works in Samsung support now.