@deegeemindi: If someone got my name tattooed on them I'd break up with them to prove it was a bad idea.
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@shkeeber: My bank has informed me that Twitter followers can not be used as collateral for a car loan. You guys are useless.
@bridger_w: Occasionally I like to stroll into a bank, pull a gun, shout "Everybody be cool!" and then hand out sunglasses and leather jackets.
@squirrel74wkgn: I was waiting for my wife to try on clothes & spoke to this woman for almost 20 minutes until I looked up & noticed her head was missing.
@FuckabillyRex: I thought she said "tantrum sex" and this is probably the most I've ever disappointed a woman.