@Reverend_Scott: If someone is better at something than you, learn from them, let them teach you, or bathe in their blood so you can absorb their power.
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@BwanaChris: My ex asked me what would make her new shoes look more sexy. "Give them to your sister," was apparently a relationship breaking answer
@AnOrangeSNES: Nine out of ten doctors agree that dying is bad for your health. The other doctor is clad in a dark robe and carrying a scythe.
@wittwitbarista: Ever notice how pathetically lonely you are when the person in the next bathroom stall completely ignores your knock knock joke?