@Reverend_Scott: If someone is better at something than you, learn from them, let them teach you, or bathe in their blood so you can absorb their power.
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@AmishPornStar1: "I'm here for the hookers and the booze!!!" "Sir, this is a library." *whispers... "I'm here for the hookers and the booze."
@TheCiscoKidder: 5 year old: Where does wind come from, daddy? Me: It comes from people asking too many questions.
@HiddenPinky: Buddhist Monk sees kid in Nirvana t-shirt: "You like Nirvana? What's your favorite step on the 8-fold Path?" Kid: Nevermind "Yeah, me, too."