@Try2StopME: If someone is bothering you with unneccessary calls to your cell number, post their number on eBay with the ad "iPhone 5S for $1 only"
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@iwearaonesie: wife: 9 got a ninja costume. Pretend you can't see him 9 [standing in front of the fridge] *giggles* me *hits him in the face with the door*
@truegritrumble: ME: *staring into my lover's eyes in the midst of a warm embrace* HER: What are you thinking? ME: *caressing her cheek* I forgot your name.
@TheBoydP: Protip: If a party guest says "I don't dance" what he's really telling you is "make my drinks stronger please".