@Try2StopME: If someone is bothering you with unneccessary calls to your cell number, post their number on eBay with the ad "iPhone 5S for $1 only"
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@pharmasean: What's your spirit animal? "An eagle. They're so majestic." MEANWHILE Horse: hey eagle, what's your spirit human Eagle: this guy Dave
@KattsDogma: "You have a BA? Ooooh! Look at you! Well, I have a BA, an MA, & a PhD." - 3rd degree burn
@thatdutchperson: Me: sorry I can't go to the farmer's market with you. Allergies. Friend: pollen? Me: hipsters.