@Try2StopME: If someone is bothering you with unneccessary calls to your cell number, post their number on eBay with the ad "iPhone 5S for $1 only"
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@Kryzazy: I thought I saw a spider on the floor...Turns out it was a paper clip. It's dead now. No need to panic.
@Tommytoughstuff: [Meeting] *Gestures to pie chart* "Now as you can see this chart is not nearly as delicious as it sounds."
@bigmacher: I bought the wrong kind of compass. Now I'm lost in the middle of nowhere drawing perfect circles.