@Reverend_Scott: If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
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@TheFearBoners: The only thing more boring than Lance Armstrong's interview is the Tour de France.
@Amburglar_: "Wow! Go show your mommy!" -what I say to any child talking to me for more than 11 seconds.
@WilliamRodgers: I love when people spend 7 minutes trying to back into a parking space just so they can leave "quicker"
@Brentweets: Each one of us has a secret. My secret is that I can't keep a secret. Also Jill is a lesbian.