@petemandik: If someone tells you they don't like some particular word, do not torment them with it. To do so is totally moist.
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@QwertyJones3: [First date] Ok, don't let her know you're a pharmacist Her: Can you pass the salt? "Sure, it'll be ready in two hours."
@frankzulla: "Well maybe they shouldn't make soap out of animal fat if they didn't want people to eat it!" I yell from the emergency room, mouth foaming
@XplodingUnicorn: My dog loves me, but he also eats his own poop. I don't think I can trust his judgment.