@mccoy_paul: If someone tweets in the bathroom they are live streaming.
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@theshantilly: Don't let anyone tell you who you are unless you're concussed and confused and genuinely need to know.
@_ElvishPresley_: SPIDER-MAN: hold it right there, Chameleon CHAMELEON: how'd u know it was me?? SM: ur disguised as Peter Parker C: so? SM: *starts sweating*
@SirEviscerate: Ugh, I'm starting to regret getting bangs. "You don't have bangs." Wait, what's that thing you get when a bat bites you? "Rabies?" That's it
@BitterOldPunk: ATTENTION ALABAMA RESIDENTS: tonight's penumbral lunar eclipse is perfectly natural. The moon is undamaged. Gay people are not stealing it.