@jessokfine: If someone walks in on you hatching your evil plan, just tell them you were rubbing in some hand moisturizer.
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@thatdutchperson: [first date] Her: I just love eating clean and staying healthy, you know? Me:*flashback to the time I cry-ate two lasagnas* Totally
@SamuelHLowe: She invited me over for a romantic dinner and told me I was the dessert. I wanted ice cream.
@TheIronSherk: Eating a block of cheese is probably the most delicious way to figure out it's time to get some groceries.