@jessokfine: If someone walks in on you hatching your evil plan, just tell them you were rubbing in some hand moisturizer.
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@DanMentos: *surgeon opens cooler during transplant* *cooler is full of Gatorade* "Wait but this means…" *cut to surgeon's kids dumping kidney on coach*
@frogbunnie: 6:There's a monster under my bed Me:That's silly! There's no such thi..OH GOD IT'S EATING MY ARM 6:SCREAMS ME:KIDDING it only eats kids
@MartaEffing: A hot mess? No, thanks. Sounds sticky and uncomfortable. I prefer my messes like I prefer my revenge: cold and served to someone else.