@jessokfine: If someone walks in on you hatching your evil plan, just tell them you were rubbing in some hand moisturizer.
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@KKAlThani: If you don't get sarcasm, follow these simple steps that will definitely help you understand it easily: Die.
@jakob_huber: *meets girl for coffee* *sets down blueprints for bank* "What's this?" Your dating profile said you were looking for a partner in crime
@ElliotHetherton: Me: I got mugged today Friend: you should tell the police [later] Sting: there is literally nothing I can do to help you
@1_swarthy_dude: "Did anyone else's house get burglarized and have horrible music put on all their devices..........oh U2?"