@KKAlThani: If you don't get sarcasm, follow these simple steps that will definitely help you understand it easily: Die.

@jakob_huber: *meets girl for coffee* *sets down blueprints for bank* "What's this?" Your dating profile said you were looking for a partner in crime

@ElliotHetherton: Me: I got mugged today Friend: you should tell the police [later] Sting: there is literally nothing I can do to help you

@1_swarthy_dude: "Did anyone else's house get burglarized and have horrible music put on all their devices..........oh U2?"

@bobvulfov: MUGGER: give me ur wallet ME: stand back i have mace MUGGER: [sniffing] is this cookies-scented febreze