We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@Claytonsaurus: If spiders ever figure out how to become ghosts, we're screwed.
@AdderallMomma: "BANGING BODY"
"What's your secret?!"
I eat fireworks
@2tickytacky: Lemon is supposedly a good diuretic. I ate a quart of lemon pudding and nothing is happening.
@MrRamBillings: Never buy the first round cause that's when people care what they're drinking!
@VanGobot: waiting for the exact moment these birds fall asleep so i can scream profanities at them nonstop for a few hours
@Molly_Kats: If you call & I don't answer, I'm not dead, I'm napping.
- Things I have to say to my mom