@Claytonsaurus: If spiders ever figure out how to become ghosts, we're screwed.
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@jctwritesstuff: I don't discriminate. Love whoever you want. Pansexual is cool with me. I mean, I like pans, I guess. They fry bacon and stuff.
@Book_Krazy: "Last call for flight 254" [Runs to gate] "You barely made it" [out of breath] This isnt my flight. I just wanted to tell you I'm a vegan
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know why I stopped you? "You heard the song I was playing?" Cop: Yes I did, and now HERE I AM "ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE"
@NatetheEnigma: Nobody expects you to tweet brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.