@Dawn_M_: If that cute guy doesn't approach you at a bbq, he is probably just intimidated by how many sausages you're eating.
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@perlapell: My midwife just sat me down and gently broke the news that I am simply plump and she has no reason to be here.
@djdarrellripley: Her: You have a cigarette machine in your kitchen? Me: Well it would look ridiculous in the living room...
@xoCAMILLAxo: I bought a toilet brush at the store the other day but it kind of hurts so I think I'll go back to paper!
@Jesssicle: I've got 99 problems, which really bothers me since I've also got OCD and I prefer even numbers.