@patrickmarkryan: If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet
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@Storminika: My kid needs me to help him with a report on any famous black scientist. Can we do Dr. Dre?
@iwearaonesie: *pulls curtain back while wife is in the shower* me: Are we - stop screaming, it's just me- are we out of Cheetos?
@mrsmith196645: I spent the day in nature and by nature I mean drinking beer on a golf course. I saw a butterfly.
@SteveSuckington: Good cop: license and registration please Perp: I'm sorry was I speeding Dad Cop: hi sorry was I speeding, I'm dad.