@daviddeweil: If The Bachelor was realistic they'd ask each other where they want to go out to eat and then never make a decision.
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@trojansauce: [me as a poltergeist] *putting forks in the spoon section of the cutlery drawer* ooooOooOooooo
@BigBec43: *does something weird* *looks around for witnesses* *sees no one* *does something weird, LOUDER*
@therealeatwood: ME: Stop hemming and hawing DONKEY TAILOR: [with quiet dignity] Sir, you may take your business elsewhere
@AimeeHelene1: Me: You won't believe the dream I had last night! I slapped you in the face with a hot pizza. Him: M: *looks down* *sees pepperoni all over*