@daviddeweil: If The Bachelor was realistic they'd ask each other where they want to go out to eat and then never make a decision.
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@knot_eye: I was so happy my mail order bride arrived today. My Wife wasn't. She did say I can use the crate as a doghouse. Odd, we don't own a dog.
@HeyZeus666: I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
@AmericanGent69: Wife: You won’t believe this... Me: *steadies eyes* Wife: So you know Frank my co-worker from accounting... Me: *narrows eyes* Wife: ...well he asked about my marriage... Me: *squints* Wife: He was flirting... Me: *eyes close completely* Wife: Now don’t get mad Me: *snoring*