@daviddeweil: If The Bachelor was realistic they'd ask each other where they want to go out to eat and then never make a decision.
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@bridger_w: If you're behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you're not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
@causticbob: So the US is to send 3000 troops to help combat ebola. Does anyone else get the feeling they don't know what ebola is?
@GuyThe_Guy: You can learn a lot about a guy when you go through the pockets of his pants that are at his ankles in the bathroom stall next to your's.
@JazzJazzybc: Lord, give me patience because if you give me strength then I'm gonna need some bail money on the side.