@wickedsuga: If the bride tosses you the bouquet, how long are you allowed to beat her with it?
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@TFLN: (513): They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
@Cheeseboy22: Overheard in 2nd grade class today: "Do your work! Santa's watching right now." "Yeah, my mom told me that ship has sailed for me long ago."
@simoncholland: Listen, if you are going to someone's house for Thanksgiving, compliment their baseboards. That is what they are spending today cleaning.