@ElizaBayne: If the British had won, today we'd all be celebrating the Fouurth of July
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@Brianhopecomedy: I inform my 4 year old that she's going to a friend's house 5 minutes before we leave so she only asks me when we're going 6000 times.
@tmoswole: To my English teachers who encouraged me to create magical works of literature as a boy. Here is my 3,007th Tweet. You can be proud.
@CVTBaby: It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I'm back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.